cont:my lost world

Muh..I talked to him everything under the sun, I loved talking about the sun, the moon, the stars, sky, humor .. he always liked my child-like behavior and always used to laugh at my foolish talks.. as I said before he is a good listener. He liked me in all the ways. But this friendship dheere dheere turned me … yes, I started loving him..those times he had a lover..even then I opened my mind to him …I love you…he busted out..wrote long mails….no dear I cant… after a month or two she left him, he became so low. I consoled him ..I said a thousand ..dear am there for you..slowly slowly we became so much close..that no one in the world will not be able to separate us..

Yeah.. that was only my intuition..He was living in a different in which, where my thoughts never could be reached. A world of partying, traveling, and masti with friends. I cant say he was nt sincere to me. Yes he was… when I was alone he was with me..as a perfect lover …

But as the relationship grew older …there always had breakage in our relationship..Un-usual fights unnecessary talks.. I was very possessive over him.. yes, to an extent he too… but he never expressed…

As I am having a bipolar disease hidden inside it comes out..he never knew when and how it comes out..he never knew to react on it .. he thought through his talks or something it will disappear..

Bipolar disease have episodes of 3-6 months…but I talked normally.. but inside I donno what all I was thinking..He thought his love alright ..then why..she is purposely doing it…

No one in this world will not be able able to determine this disease until when it reaches a certain stage…

Two times I was admitted in the depression ward in Asia’s NO:1 hospital… first not because of him..just to diagnose… and the second time I was admitted purely coz of him… as I said the disease is always hidden inside until and unless a shock affects or discontinue the tablets…
The second time the reason why I was admitted is that.. when my childhood friend and he became friends without my consent..but they hide this from me.. when I came to know ..i tried to ask him..he slipped away from the talks..as I was so possessive this was like burning inside me… I tried to ask my friend but she too slipped from my talk..Y they hiding? That was a question inside..i knew that just a friendship..but why she hiding from me???

I got admitted with severe depression…
I was totally out of the world… The world around me was like a mystery…even then I talk to both of them as a normal person…atlast doctor prescribed ECT for me that is shock treatment..rather than takin tablets..but my father stood against this… so I started taking antidepression tablets…around two months I stayed there ..I stopped talking with him…..as per my daddys wish I was discharged from the hospital… …In between on april 7 he calld me ..that was my b’day ..sharp 12 am he calld me.. He even send me flowers but I didn’t accepted..”NOT ME” the “diseased ME”..after that I stopped talking with him..i told him we will stop the relation..just because I know that its hard for me to come out of my world..and I always wanted to see him happy..i told that..

Back from hospital ..his memories was behind me..I called him..but the way he responded shocked me..
He said, “Ohh you came”, in a different tone. But I begged him for his love. Again we restarted our old relation.. I was cured after 2 months..i became his old “wify”. Our world of dreams…then he asked me to find a job … atlast I went to auntys house in pune ..i got the job..as it was night shift ..i discontinued the job..I really missed him those times…he used to call me.. but as there is no system in auntys house I didn’t able to chat with him..and there are so many formalities to browse from café…we have to show ID cards ..as I am from Kerala ..I never kept ID cards in my bag..those times first time away from my parents that too this much distance.. In the mean time I got pneumonia and I came back to kerala.. then again I got my baby back.. I always called him ..”MY BABY”…I was getting bored sitting inside house .. I told him dear I cant ..he then told, ur friend is here call her..I was shocked to hear that news .. coz she was in dubai.. I asked him how u came to know..he then said I entered into ur id (he knew my ID)then I saw her online..i said I blocked her n my id ..and how come it happened.. I said now again stop talking with her.. he suddenly said .. you don’t have the right to question me… First time hearing from him.. I got shocked ..huh..just because of my friend he said like that to me…

There again started my depression…a mild depression.. He told me to find a job in bangalore we went to see the doctor he advised to stay with parents for a month..i said to him..he said ok January when u go find a job …so January I went to Bangalore..met my doctor again….